CAPE COD, July 25 2013 – August Manross LaFleur was born late Thursday evening weighing 7lbs and laying 19 inches long. His first words upon entering this world were unintelligible and awaiting audio analysis. Several witnesses reported that the words were something to the effect of “What did I do to deserve these guys for a family?”. Other witnesses stated that he was reminding his parents that he wasn’t in fact born in August and irony is highly overrated and should be left to hipsters. His parents have issued a statement thought a spokesperson reminding him that he showed up weeks earlier than expected.
August returned home Sunday morning where he was greeted by his 6 siblings. This made him cry. He and his mother are doing very well. His father is also doing well and has discovered that there is little quality programming on between midnight and 4am. Since returning home he has discovered that having 3 brothers and 3 sisters is highly overrated and that his initial assessment of them was correct. An official request for transfer is expected shortly.
In related news, the Father held a press conference to dispel the rumor that he shouted “crap” when he discovered his wife was pregnant. In his remarks he clarified that what he in fact said was “craps”; a duel reference to his being the 7th child and his father’s most likely method of financing his children’s college educations.